The Freedom to Choose: Meeting Animals Where They Are

When I first learned and started offering Animal Reiki in 2014, after practicing Reiki with myself for several years prior, I would periodically go to different animal parks to ask who would be open to receive.

That inquiry is a form of agency, which connects to the element of choice.

Giving an animal the opportunity to choose whether they want something or not, when they want connection, where they are more open to receive, and what that connection can look like.

When I first began, I saw it as an extension of what I had learned. More recently, I recognize it as my true way of being.

It is who I am and who I have always been.

When I opened Dream Pet Care in 2016, what I had offered to the wild ones and friends' pets in the years previously, I began giving to the animals who met me through the business.

The agency to be who they are, where they are in their lives.

Not asking them to be who they once were or who we want them to become.

When Connection Becomes an Expectation

Agency is the opposite of being asked to perform or be like another animal simply because he or she looks like another.

Performance can come from believing that all cats, dogs, or animals of a particular breed will respond the same way, want the same things, or maintain the same preferences throughout their lives.

It can also come from wanting an animal to do something simply because we want them to do it.

Consider a person who wants an animal to connect with them. We may see the animal staying hidden, moving away, or approaching someone else while seemingly avoiding the person who most wants their attention.

What if the animal isn't rejecting the person?

What if they are simply responding to what feels comfortable or uncomfortable within their own body?

When we shift from expectation to invitation, we offer the animal an opportunity to choose a response that honors what their nervous system is communicating.

And sometimes, that shift begins with allowing space.

The Dog Who Chose to Come Closer

I had an experience once when I entered a house because I needed assistance. The household had two dogs and three cats.

One of the dogs readily greeted me, showing who he was immediately. The other moved further away, eventually hiding herself under a table and, in essence, getting as small as she could.

When I sat down in the family room, the woman who lived there shared that the female dog always did this, regardless of how many times friends or visitors had been to the home.

They didn't know why, yet people would try to get her to come out. The more they wanted to connect with her, the further she moved out of reach.

The woman shared that people would be disappointed.

The distance was a form of communication.

It was, in essence, saying, "This is where my nervous system feels safe right now."

The disappointment, the wanting the dog to be a certain way, and the attempts to get closer were all forms of performance expectations. The focus was on what the person wanted rather than what the animal might need.

When I came in, I sat at the most diagonal place which actually was the furthest point on the sectional from where the dog was, not going toward her, asking something of her, or wanting her to be different.

Most importantly, I wasn't in her direct line of sight.

All of these choices naturally offered her space and agency.

I shared with her that engagement was entirely up to her. Whenever her parent mentioned her doing or being a certain way, I gently reiterated that engagement was her choice.

I connected with the other dog, not asking one to be like the other.

Over approximately two hours, individually, the three felines came out to see who had entered their home.

Each greeted me while I allowed them to choose the quantity and type of connection, giving each the agency to take the first step.

After this bout of interaction, where the cats were doing a form of show and tell for the dog, I glanced up to see the female dog looking at me from just over the couch edge directly across from me.

I could just see her eyes.

I once again shared that engagement was entirely up to her.

And with that, she hopped onto the couch, walked over to her mom, who sat at the center point, and moved just beyond her onto the side closest to me.

And she laid down.

There was no reaching for her, no request to come closer, and no expectation of what should happen next.

She had chosen where she wanted to be.

And that was enough.

When Choice Creates a Different Experience

This three-hour impromptu meeting, in which agency was offered, gave her an opportunity to choose a new response and potentially create a new benchmark for what experiencing a stranger in her home could be and feel like.

Perhaps the absence of expectation allowed her nervous system to experience something different.

We cannot know precisely what she was feeling internally. What I observed was that when nothing was required of her, she made a choice that differed from the pattern her family had described.

Had she remained under the table for the entire visit, her choice would have been equally worthy of respect.

I would have still acknowledged her presence when leaving. Just because she chose to remain at a distance or out of sight didn't mean she wasn't part of our shared experience.

Respecting an animal's space doesn't mean overlooking their presence.

The success of the experience wasn't that she came closer. It was that she had the freedom not to.

Meeting Animals Where They Are

Agency isn't about ensuring an animal makes the choice we hope they will make.

It's about allowing room for a choice to exist.

Every animal brings their own experiences, preferences, relationships, and ways of communicating into the present moment.

We don't have to understand every part of their experience to honor it.

We can become curious rather than assuming.

We can listen rather than insist.

We can offer an invitation without requiring acceptance.

Sometimes connection looks like approaching. Sometimes it looks like observing from a distance, resting quietly nearby, or choosing not to engage at all.

Each is worthy of respect.

When we meet animals where they are, we give them the freedom to show us who they are.